It never slows, never stops, never reverses. Life. Funny how it works sometimes. I've been up, down, side to side and upside-down. A plateau would seem to bring peace, and it has in a way. But with it comes the stress of work and an overload of tasks as we fight for justice. I wonder sometimes where justice is for us, when we kill ourselves working for others. Never would I begrudge another human their rights or selfishly deny helping those in need. But my mind wonders, once in a while, if what we do really does matter. In the big picture of life, looking the world over - do my tasks on the Elite force really even put a dent in the horror people face on a daily basis?
My life has slowed. Ironic. Busy pace but steady. I have a hand to hold and a heart to love. A future with this life-saver? Rescued from the monster of greed, her legacy will be survival.
But no one knows of the shadows that continue to ravage my mind. They know not the nightmares that never really ceased, but only lurked for a while out of sight until once again rearing their ugly heads. It is I, the guilty one, that must pay dearly for past misdeeds. I must pay with the nightmares, confusion, guilt and the lie that perhaps I really am innocent. The days of my life are like breaths of fresh air, even in the heat of battle. While the nights are dreaded as the sun disappears. Hope would say it takes time. But even her own sun is setting. Where will we be without one of the few pure hearts left?
I dreamed of the red pickup again last night.
