Zap zip kaploo

Here I sit. Just me and my computers. Okay, so they’re TJY’s computers. They should be mine though, with as much time as I’ve spend with them, right?

TJY’s in a mess. Austin, what are you thinking? And where has Carter gone? Guess he knows how to drop off the face of the earth. Ever wonder how that’s done? I can’t even find a toe, let alone the earth’s face.

Me, I like looking for the stars. Who cares about where the earth is… I want to touch that night sky and explore its wonders.

Had a few stars of my own last night. Well… okay, so they were sparks. Alright, so it was my fault. I crossed too many wires. Zap, zip, kaploo…. Smoke. Not good. Sorry, Scott. Er, Dalton. Er… Scott. Somebody. Anybody. Hello????

Alone

Austin has gone back to Nevada. Would you believe it’s just me now? Me, Mr. Blue jay and Mr. Squirrel. All one big happy family.

Been a while. The weather has been a bit chilly. Thankfully I haven’t run out of firewood. It’s strange being alone here. I thought it was quiet with just one or two others around. With just me, I can hear my own thoughts. Some are quiet. Some are deep. Others are utterly insane.

By the way, did you know that if you’re trying to make s’mores, it’s really not a good idea to do them inside while you’re sitting on a rug? Sticky. Very sticky.

On your side

Go get ‘em, Hotshot. And don’t forget to take your Hero along. I don’t care what Austin says either. Not that I’m supposed to even know about your little planned adventure. But know that you’re not the only ones on your side. As a matter of fact, probably the whole of TJY, except the leadership, is at the moment. Bring Scott home.

Dismal

It rained tonight. A light rain, but a cold rain.

Pete left two weeks ago to assist in a mission down in Arizona. Carter thought he’d best be used there instead. It’s just down to Austin and me now. Things have turned rather dismal. I need to remember God’s in control of this whole mess.

Scott

The Lord take you into His arms, Scott. Miss you.

Camera trouble

Alright, so camera seven has gone completely kaput. Reese, where’s that replacement you were going to send me?! Susanne, what sort of secretary are you? You’re supposed to keep the boss in line!

No, I’m not going to make due by taking a regular camera and going and snapping stillshots of nothingness. I’ll probably end up walking over to the east ridge just to find that the squirrel has been at work yet again. On my way back, I’m going to steal Pete’s car just to freak him out. Won’t that be fun?

Hearts

Weddings are always nice. Especially when I get to see a few old faces.

Yeah, been quite a while since I’ve jotted anything down. Mostly been going over cases that Reese has got me on. He finally decided I could at least do some research for TJY. Lots and lots has happened since then. Well… at least in the world of Nevada. Here, it’s been relatively quiet.

Today though I got to see Scott. He wasn’t all that thrilled with the mess over here, but it was worth it to see his can of Mountain Dew again. Jason seemed a bit preoccupied, but I supposed I would be too if I had a pretty little thing like Camryn hanging on my arm.

Mick and Rosetta seem extremely happy. Everything I do is from a distance. But I see things. Yes… I see hearts.

Justice

Ever wonder what you’d do if someone you knew went to prison? Now I know. You look at it from a distance with a deeper concern than ever before. Where is justice?

Great black sky

Jamie, you’re in our prayers. Glad you’re okay.

Stuck behind this computer all day, I get time to think a lot. Too much, maybe. Interacting some with the ranch has gotten me out of my little hole, and given me something to do. I don’t get in anybody’s way, or at least try not to, but Jeff’s been showing me a few things about the horses and it’s been one outlet for me.

Last night was spent under the stars. No, Austin and Pete didn’t kick me out, even though they might have wanted to. It was by choice. Just me and the great black sky. Millions of stars. It’s amazing how much you can see out here.

Not my fault!

It’s the blue jay, I tell you! He’s the one messing with the camera! I mean… ON the camera! Scott, I swear it wasn’t me!!!

Thick of things

Ever notice that no matter how slow your own world seems to turn, the rest of it just keeps on going at the same speed? It’s like you wake up one day, and wham! Everything has changed.

A ton of stuff going on in Nevada. Not that I want to be in the thick of all the kidnappings, soap operas and car wrecks.

Okay, so my sarcasm gets the best of me. Really, I wish I could be there where I could be doing some good and helping out. Instead, I’m watching the same cameras day in and day out, while nothing happens. The Agency has moved on. Unfortunately, I haven’t.

Hey, Carter! Want to trade places?!

Newsy

Conrad has gone back to Nevada. I miss the big guy. Austin says he might be back. My guess is he won’t be. I’m dying to get back to base myself. But this is what I get paid to do.

What I do NOT get paid to do is burn the macaroni and cheese. Probably a good thing. Otherwise I might do it more often. And if I did, Pete would probably kill me. And that would not be a good thing.

I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been in Texas. Whatever you do, do not agree to loan out your pillow. Big guys drool. Do not trust the tech guy when he can’t actually see what you’re doing. (No, do not put your finger in that socket. Scott, buddy, next time, just say no. I will obey.) Never forget the open bag of potato chips outside – the raccoon WILL return.

I said I would miss the country. I will. But today is a day I miss home. Hang in there, Katie. We’re rooting for ya.

Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.

Too long

It’s been too long since I’ve gotten involved in church. I’m feeling it. Starting in on this job, I thought I could handle it for a while. Out in the boondocks. No society to bog me down. Just me and the fresh, clean air…

But I’m craving the interaction in worship. Been invited to join the ranch gang this Sunday. I think I will take them up on it.

Oops

Susanne! Where have all my sorted files gone?! I need your expertise!

…Yeah, so… I lost a few things. Carter doesn’t know yet. Austin doesn’t know yet. Reese doesn’t know yet. Let’s see if I can keep it that way.

In the saddle

Jason is back in Nevada, recovering after his bout in Alaska. Austin’s hanging around the ranch more and more – Con too. Pete and I hang out here mostly, getting on each other’s nerves, but hanging in there. I’ve been taking more walks. Haven’t had to keep an eye on the cameras quite as often lately. I’m learning these woods pretty well by now though. Ran into Mick yesterday – he was out with a horse. Wound up getting me in the saddle. Think I might try that sport again sometime.

Grace

A shooting star. Such a little thing. But it reminds me of the vastness of space, and how much greater is the grace of God. And that is the thought for the day.

Immersed

You’d think I’d be writing more now, after things have been so quiet. But my lack of motivation has gotten me in more ways than one. I’m pretty good at playing solitaire on the computer now. ‘Course, Carter’s been sending me all sorts of fun stuff to investigate.

I hear Katie’s doing well around the office. Heard from Wyatt about that – I think he’s taken with her. Can’t blame the guy. Jason’s been a mess. Turned down by his girl, took off for a case in Alaska. Lucky dog. I’m still stuck back here in this little cabin.

Got its good side though. I liked nature before. Now I’ve been immersed in it and am realizing that when I do go back home some day, it’s going to be harder than I thought.

Hot Pocket

All I have is one question. If we can have all these great computers, all this high-tech equipment, all these cameras… why can’t we have a microwave that works?! All I wanted was my hot pocket! Is that too much to ask?!

Good luck

Crash and burn. Sorry, Hotshot. News travels fast. Especially when Conrad’s involved. No, the camera’s didn’t catch it – good thing, ‘cause I’d want to forget about it too.

Katie’s left the ranch, heading for Nevada. Good luck. We could use some more good agents.

Time moves on

Quiet. Too quiet. The days have grown long. Though happy with a lack of action that indicates the Agency’s lack of interest in the ranch, it has provided some pretty dull days. Correspondence with home base keeps me going. Scott’s been feeding me instructions to help Pete keep things running. Austin’s been a bit on edge. Jason’s been distracted by a whole heap of things from his past to two girls he can’t make his mind up about. Con is the best – steady as a rock. And time moves on.

Dance

Well, what do we have on tv tonight? What? Twelve different views of a ranch yard? Okay, I can handle that. I’ve been handling it for months now. What would be the difference tonight? ‘Course Hotshot is out there enjoying a date to a dance. La tee da. Even Conrad got to go, though I haven’t gotten up enough nerve to tell him there’s no way he deserves to drive a girl as pretty as Katie.

Pete, on the other hand, is here, staring at the screens as well. Oh, wait… he’s trying to fix the computer that I killed today. Yes. I admit it. It was me. Scott, where are you?! Pete doesn’t know what he’s doing!

Thanking God

Nothing like the kidnapping of a partner to knock the wind out of your sails. It’s been a mess over here. Cold nights and worry running rampant. Don’t know why Jason was targeted, but everyone took it pretty hard. Didn’t think he was going to make it back to us. But thankfully the Agency’s little injection only served to scare the tar out of us, not kill Jason. Thanking God for that one.

Bogus gray streak

What I want to know is why I don’t get my own bunkhouse too. I love Hotshot to death, but come on… how come he gets the soft bed every night, when I’m still out here in the boonies, listening to Austin snore, fighting Con to get the good blanket before we sack out, and putting up with Pete’s late-night munchie madness. It’s just not fair! I don’t have a streak of gray hair just to show it off you know – doesn’t age have any bearings?

Okay… so that bogus streak of gray has nothing to do with age. I’ve had it since I was sixteen after that lovely surgery. But that’s beside the point, right?

What was the point again? I don’t know. It’s time for bed.

Time-out

So it’s been a while. I’m in time-out. Con said I was being a pain. Pete agreed. It was two against one. So they left me here. Alone. Again…

Party time!

Mmmmm

Home cooked food! If I ever said anything bad about Austin, I take it back. Well… most of it. I’m still mad at him for not rescuing me from Con’s headlock last week. But tonight he brought me back a heaping plate of some of the most scrumptious food I’ve ever had. I don’t know if it was really the most scrumptious or if it’s just been that long since I’ve had good food, but it really didn’t matter. Not sure which of the ladies cooked it up at the mess hall, but mm, mmm, mmmmm.

Wires

Too much excitement, too little time. Least ways, that’s the way I look at it. Excitement can include the fact that we had a kidnapping and a rescue all within twenty-four hours, it can include Jason going off the deep end, it can include Katie getting shot, or it could include the squirrel that chewed through camera nine’s wires at two a.m. this morning.

Either way you look at it, life’s too short to catch all the excitement that goes on around here. Me, I’m just the lookout.

Blown

So, the cover is blown. Can’t trust the younguns. Alright, so it was just a matter of time before the Texas gang figured out we were here. And I can’t blame Jason. If I had the flue and was getting pelted with freezing rain, I’d probably go knocking on the door too. If you ask me though, I’d say Austin waited too long to tell these folks what was going on anyway. I’m all for security, but I do think there’s a time to breach it when there’s more at stake than just pure mission success.

On the brighter side, today was the first day in a month that the blue jay didn’t come to… well… let’s just say camera number eight is clean today.

Lay Low

Whatever you do, don’t trust Pete’s driving. Take my word for it. He may think he’s big stuff with that Mustang of his… and maybe he is… but I think I came back with a few more gray hairs after going into town for some supplies. What part of “lay low” doesn’t he understand?

First Post

Keep myself occupied, they say. Stay out of trouble, they say. What I want to know is, how on earth can I get into any trouble while I’m staring at computers all day, along with resetting cameras, detangling an idiot’s idea of wiring, trying to stay warm, and keeping the others in line? I would think all of that would keep me occupied as well.

Never did fancy blogs. But I suppose I often do get a hankering for some writing. Call me the oddball of the bunch. …I was kidding. Please don’t call me the oddball. I got enough names flying around that people use to describe me.

In the end, I figure if I’m gonna be stuck in Texas for a while, I might as well give my brain something else to think about every so often, even if it really isn’t to stay occupied or keep myself out of trouble. I’ll let the boss think it is. That way he can feel important.

My Pursuit

...
11.10.10
More

The pieces and facts I have gathered thus far:

1. My parents were killed in a car accident when I was eighteen. Though labeled as a tragic misfortune, I believed it to be murder.
   
2. My memory prior to the accident was permanently erased.
3. The police claimed they knew the other driver was Troy Hampton and arrested him.
4. Hampton's vehicle didn't match the paint scratches on my parents' car, nor did the evidence, in my opinion, hold up, along with the fact that Hampton never confessed.
5. Hampton was released from prison several years later.
6. My own investigating revealed to me it must have been a pickup hauling lumber that hit our car - though the police never agreed.
   
7. After joining the police force I began my avid quest for the truth.
   
8. Searching, I discovered the name Truman Barker - the vehicle and timeframe seemed to add up. I believed he was the culprit. After more research and a false arrest, I learned he was not the murderer.
9. Next was Roy Peterson, a rival coworker of my father's. After pursuing him, I found he was innocent.
10. Further investigation led to crossed wires, hidden files and closed mouths. No one would talk about my parents or what business my father was really in. I feared dirty dealings, encouraging me to continue my search for justice.
11. Clark Rierson had made written threats to my father. I tracked him down and cornered him, only to discover he was out of state at the time of the accident, with a solid alibi.
    
12. Each time I dug deeper, I faced more dead ends. My father was supposedly a clerk for the local mill while teaching driver's ed. on the side. But was it more? No one wanted to give me answers. Not even my family. Friends and relatives were never to be found. And those that were, denied me truthful answers.
13. I discovered Bob Michaels, a thug loosely connected to the Agency. Upon arresting him, an alibi for the time of the accident was revealed.
14. Next was Neil Smith, Byron Thompson and Les Welds. Each time I thought I had proof, and each time I was disproved and forced back to square one.
    
15. I pinpointed a new name: Mason Parks. He worked with my father, or so it seemed. Evidence piled up and I thought I'd found the right man this time. Then I discovered he had died of natural causes four years ago. I also discovered he hadn't been the right man after all.
16. A new name came up: Rex Herschen. A gunman, I discovered he could be connected to the case and could have information for me. But that trail only led me into trouble.
    
17. With some help, I finally found the red pickup truck I believed to have been the other vehicle in the accident. Abandoned in a junkyard for years, I began to trace ownership.
18. A new nightmare interrupted my investigation, convincing me that an argument with my father had been the cause of the accident - not murderous intent.
    

Today, questions have risen once more. A nightmare that had convinced me so vividly of the truth has faded, leaving me in a fog yet again. Was it true that I helped cause the accident? Or was it only a dream, conceived by my emotional need for closure? What if my subconscious, weary from the dead ends, sought to form an answer - an answer that was my own fault? What if that driver still exists? What if I have been right all along? What if there really is more to this case? Do I bury the past, based on a nightmare that almost cost me my life? Or do I return to the search?





And then...?

I never added to this string of puzzle pieces after I recognized that it was I who had caused the car accident, not some evil plot to kill them. After I wanted to end it all. After I recovered and began to live again. No... it seemed pointless to go on here. All of the piece I had gathered really didn't fit one to another and it was time I admitted the truth - the puzzle would never be whole because it was I. It has been a long time since revisiting these thoughts and feelings. The passion with which I drove myself into the case of a ghost... was I so blind?

My dreams have returned with merciless fury. And so has the vision of that second vehicle. And so have my doubts.



3.19.09

Not Fair

The nightmare came back last night. Now it feels like I'm missing something. It's hard to describe. But it's almost like the dream has been skewed by imagination, not just fact. Was it really a pickup that struck our car? All the lights and smoke... was that real? Why can't I remember anything prior? It doesn't seem fair.



1.10.09

I Will

You'd think by now I'd be used to the opportunities slipping through my fingers. Sting is still there though. I had a name. And the name was mentioned in Mexico. But when my source got there, it was too late. I'm not giving up though. I will find him. I will find the man that destroyed my world.



8.17.08

Anniversary

Found a picture of my grandma today. I didn't know I had it with me. Yesterday was the ten-year anniversary of her death. Having only known her for two years, I feel swindled out of more time. Granddaddy didn't last long after she was gone either. Maybe it was for the best. At least they weren't that long without each other. Perhaps it was all in the plan for me to be alone. Without the accident, I wouldn't be where I am today.



2.5.08

Missing Piece?

Had a nightmare last night. It’s a reoccurring one. Comes back a couple times a year.

In the dream, I’m in the car accident. I know it’s the one because the two other people in the car are my parents - at least that's what it feels like. I never see their faces. Out of nowhere, a red pickup comes flying at us. I hear my mother scream. Then it's as if I'm looking at the scene from the sidelines. There's a lot of smoke, emergency lights and shouting. Fear is what keeps me watching. Then everything goes black.

Funny thing is - the police never knew what kind of vehicle the other guy was driving. That was one reason they couldn't trace him. Was it a red, Ford pickup? I wonder.



12.16.07

New Photo

Got an email from Ted Dover today... I guess I knew him in high school. Least that's what they tell me. He's one of the few that stuck around after realizing I didn't remember a thing about being friends with him.

Anyway, he sent me a picture he just found in an old box and scanned so I could see it. Looks like it was me and my parents on some sort of fishing trip. I look like I'm about ten years old. Got a dog with us...I wonder if we were pals.

I don't recognize the scenery. My granddaddy told me once that my family would go up to Canada every once in a while for vacation. I bet that's where this was.

Another piece in the puzzle. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever see the completed scene.



10.15.07

My Past

Imagine waking up in a hospital bed and not having a clue where you are or even who you are. That was me at eighteen years old. Finding out my parents had both died in the crash didn't bring tears - I couldn't remember them. People felt sorry for me because I couldn't remember anything about my past or my family. But to me it was simply something I never knew.

It was my grandparents that took me in until I was steady enough to get out on my own. After a few surgeries, pins in my shoulder and leg and a nice metal plate in my head, I suppose I was grateful for being alive. Though being alive wasn't all it was cracked up to be without knowing who I was.

I guess my aunt and uncle didn't care much for me. They pretty much cleaned out the house. Took a bunch of stuff. I wound up with a few pictures, but nothing that gave me much to go on about my past. My grandparents told me stories, but it bothered them to talk about it since my parents were gone, so I finally stopped asking them questions.

A few friends stuck around - only those who were ambitious enough to start a new friendship with me, because the old one was gone. After a while though, the number got down to about two.

The culprit for the accident was never found. He'd been arrested for armed robbery, but somehow escaped jail. Though the police knew who it was, the escapee disappeared. Later, the case was closed.

I guess the unsolved mystery lit an ambition for law. The police force was a new start in life. I worked my way up until I got a proposition from TJY and my motivation shifted. Since then, that's where I've been.