Letting go. Such a simple thing to say. Yet insanely difficult. Is it truly the only path to restoration? Is it truly the only way to find peace? If it is, why can I not seem to pry loose my grip on this eternally loathsome subject? I hate it, yet I remain with a death grip on the insanity, unwilling to turn my back. Is it because it is so important? Or is it because I'm not strong enough to do what I must?
I trust the minds of others. The clarity. The wisdom. My own mind is too clouded with an angry ocean of emotions, trying to swallow my very being. They want me to let go. They want me to heal. They want me to rise above the fog and live. Yet I remain here. Why?
Answers. Do they even really exist? If they do not, I have lived in vain. How can I live out the remainder of my life in search of that which will never bring peace? Perhaps I have been further swallowed by insanity than I imagined. Perhaps the darkness is not as pleasant as first thought.
All I need to do is close my eyes and fall. What lies at the bottom, only time can reveal. Maybe the journey is not as bad as I once thought. For at least my love holds my hand.
3.22.2016
2.09.2016
Darkness
Sometimes I like the dark. It hides the bad. The tears. The unwanted. The fear. Some people are afraid of the dark. But not me. It's like a warm blanket to shield from everything that harms. Without darkness, one would never be able to see the stars.
My perspectives are different than most. I don't know why. Was I always this way? Or only after the accident? I wish I could remember. The darkness hides that, too. Those are the only dark moments I don't like. The moments when I want to remember so badly, I could scream. Or walk off a bridge. It's not that I dislike what I've got, or that the world is such a bad place. The light of my life lives here. But sometimes I get so tired. So tired of fighting off the obsession. It craves answers - answers that seem to be non-existent. But if I walked off a bridge, I'd finally know. But I'd leave behind the light of my life. And I can't.
It never ends - this circle of light and dark. People count the days by sunrises and sunsets. I count the days by the moon and stars. The night sky is my sky. It's dark. It hides the tears.
My perspectives are different than most. I don't know why. Was I always this way? Or only after the accident? I wish I could remember. The darkness hides that, too. Those are the only dark moments I don't like. The moments when I want to remember so badly, I could scream. Or walk off a bridge. It's not that I dislike what I've got, or that the world is such a bad place. The light of my life lives here. But sometimes I get so tired. So tired of fighting off the obsession. It craves answers - answers that seem to be non-existent. But if I walked off a bridge, I'd finally know. But I'd leave behind the light of my life. And I can't.
It never ends - this circle of light and dark. People count the days by sunrises and sunsets. I count the days by the moon and stars. The night sky is my sky. It's dark. It hides the tears.
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